if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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