And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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