i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
