I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
