sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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