somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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