This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
