either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
