Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
