Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just had sex on a roof
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
