The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
