Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
