He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize