My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
