how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
