You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Can you bring me the toilet please
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
