I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
