There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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