Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
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We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
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I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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