So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
