Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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