So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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