please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
