Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
