I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
