I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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