I faked an abortion last night.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
