If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
