I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
