I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
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