Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
