we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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