i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
