Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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