I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
