Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
