Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
