You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
