Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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