I should be sponsored by Trojan
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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