Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Four minutes until I can fart!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
