the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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