I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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