I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
