So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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