it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Randomize
