I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
