okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
