i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
