He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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