Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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