NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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