Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
