Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
