Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
