It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
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