I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
