I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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