Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
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