Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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