Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
