dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Randomize
