Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
