We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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