I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
