he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
