all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
