i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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