i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
