Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
