Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
