one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
