So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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