You can't motorboat a personality
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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