I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
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I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
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Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize