Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
40s are totally the cure
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
