Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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