batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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