Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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