I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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