Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
